Have you recently found yourself strolling about campus without the need to wear clothing that makes you resemble the marshmallow man?

Do you dorkily get a kick out the fact that you can now exercise your mental protractor to find the most direct route from your dorm to the dining hall across the snowless grass?

Have you begun thinking that living in Iowa is not entirely depressing?

If you've answered yes to some of these questions, you are most likely experiencing the commencement of a Midwestern spring.

Besides creating in us a greater urge to skip class in order to acquire that essential base tan (or base burn for my fair-skinned fellows) what does this mean?

It's prospective student time--to the max!

April's pleasant climate shift corresponds with Grinnell's annual influx of accepted students.

Thus it is now the time to showcase our campus in its most beautiful and least gloomy state.

So how can we best act as ambassadors for our beloved college?

Since everyone enjoys fitting in, try convincing prospective students that you share, or will at the very least tolerate their political values.

Undoubtedly, you will come across many prospies that embody the same liberal views which attracted a large percentage of our student body.

But what about students falling on the opposite end of the spectrum? The following is a list Dos and Don'ts (as per stereotype) to guide our interactions with prospective Grinnellians who may double as prospective political minorities on campus.

Do:

1. Talk about where you were on 9/11.

2. Let them know that the credit crisis has no effect on the price of campus housing.

3. Make sure to wear a flag pin on your lapel at all times--it is the time tested symbol of true patriotism.

4. Initiate a conversation which casually brings up the fact that Grinnell Economics professor Jack Mutti was an economic advisor to Reagan--they love that guy, apparently he was pretty dreamy back in the 1940s.

5. Make a Chuck Norris joke incorporating the Clintons' lack of character into the ass-kicking punch line.

6. Be sure to point out that Grinnell does house a chapter of Campus Republicans, showcasing our political open-mindedness.

Don't:

1. Laugh while carrying out the last item on the "Do" list.

2. Say anything about Dick Cheney--because you know you can't say anything nice at all.

3. Try to convince them of the existence of a campus-wide, water conservation program called "shower buddies" (true story --they get a bit twitchy).

4. Show them the booklist from your Intro to Global Development Studies class last year.

5. Let them near overactive members of Campus Democrats--we want them to feel welcomed, not guilty.

6. Let them near the cross country team.



So there you have it. By following the preceding simple rules, you will be sure to make sure that our campus appeals to a much wider demographic.

By doing so, we will improve our already stellar record of political tolerance. But if for some strange reason the items on this list prove ineffective, just watch an episode of Total Request Live with the difficult prospie.

I'm pretty sure that all high school kids still love that show.