7:15 a.m. Wake up to my phone ringing. It is my mom calling from the airport. She is on her way to visit my sister in Chile and wants to know if I’ve found a job yet.
7:30 a.m. Go downstairs to discover my housemate Josh Rosenbluh ‘05 passed out on the couch in his bathrobe.
7:45 a.m. Brew a giant pot of coffee and eat leftover Chinese for breakfast.
8 a.m. Rush to the AV Center to finish up Russian homework.
9 a.m. Attend Russian class. I make several hapless attempts to pronounce something in Russian before accepting defeat and realizing that my lifelong fantasy of being an undercover KGB agent died with the Cold War.
10 a.m. Go to directing class. We discuss how our one-acts are progressing with opening night just two weeks away. The class is reminded that as theatre majors our prospects for paid employment are slim to none but we can always get a job hustling used cars.
12 p.m. Return home for a meager lunch of fruit pilfered from the dining hall. Make last minute preparations for presentation on Athenian rites of passage.
1:15 p.m. Ancient Greek history class. We examine slides of half-naked warriors in extravagant running gestures and images of semi-recumbent quadrupeds. There is not enough time for my presentation, I thank Zeus and head to Burling to study for a Russian test.
2:15 p.m. Fall asleep on Burling 3rd. I dream that I change my major to economics, get a job working as a foreign business ambassador in the Caribbean and live on a houseboat eating passion fruit all day.
2:35 p.m. Wake up in a pool of sweat and spend the next hour looking for employment on the internet. Possible leads include smoke jumper, sword swallower and crack dealer.
3:35 p.m. Head over to the PEC for exercise. Along the way, I chase several squirrels.
5:30 p.m. Dinner at Quad. Conversation concerns the delicate task of milking a dolphin and whether it is appropriate to refer to the president as a “puny doghearted nut-hook.”
6:30 p.m. Check email and news.
7 p.m. Take a moment of silence for Ol’ Dirty Bastard (a.k.a. Big Baby Jesus), the recently deceased hip-hop virtuoso responsible for the hit singles “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” and “Got Your Money.”
7:30 p.m. Rehearse for The Divine Fallacy. We run through the play several times and practice spewing blood all over the stage. My cast is on fire tonight, so I let them go early.
10:30 p.m. Return home, disconnect the phone and collapse in bed.
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