Respecting international students
I want to start off by apologizing to the international students I knew as a student at Grinnell.
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Sound of Silence; how I lost my voice and gained some valuable what-have-yous
I awoke the morning after whiskey weekend to find that my voice had been replaced by a wicked hangover and my clothes had been replaced by a crotchless gorilla suit. I tried all the usual sore-throat remedies: tea, honey, grandpa’s olde cough medicine, more cough medicine, vomit, but in the end I remained mute. With my powers of speech rendered powerless, I had no choice but to communicate via ridiculous pantomime. Whenever someone said, “Hello” or asked about the gorilla suit, I was forced to respond by patting my throat and shaking my head. Despite my stellar acting ability, people often failed to comprehend these gestures, at which point I silently elaborated on my plight by grabbing my crotch and giving them the finger.
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The education of Doniphan Nebraska
We last left our narrative after the birth and blessing of Doniphan (,) Nebraska—a momentous event, as I’m sure you remember. A colorful array of other momentous events fluttered past during that same year (1786 anno Domini), some of which I briefly mentioned, all of which we will ignore—for we must remain focused, above all, or else we are lost! A narrative that lacks focus (or a life, for that matter!) might as well be chained to a bed in the mad-house, or laced with boulders and drowned at high-tide, since it will effect no lasting positive impression on itself or anything else. Frantic and frustrated, it will suffocate beneath a film of confusion, much like the unfortunate infant who finds his mother’s stash of saran-wrap in Aesop’s famous fable. No, we do not want this. So, by God, let us focus on Doniphan (,) Nebraska.
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Crack, dragons and fall break
Hey everyone, fall break’s almost here! Only a few more hours! And so much to discuss in so little time, I’m not even sure where to begin. Anybody who doesn’t recognize just how lucky we are to have an entire week off in the middle of fall semester is probably on crack, like Kenny Lofton. Maybe it was him who decided it would be cool to douse Rose hall with a fire extinguisher; only someone on crack would be stupid enough to do something like that.
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Random Rants
Students speak out about what’s on their minds in 142 words, and you’re invited! If you have a random rant, email it to me at anderseb@grinnell.edu. After all, complaining in a public forum is always more fun than doing it alone.
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How to write a paper in one night
It’s happened to you, and if it hasn’t, then it most certainly will at some point. You receive a rather unpleasant paper assignment; for example, “Please write 5-7 pages on the history of the Fibonacci Sequence” or “The Civil War… discuss.” Naturally, there are other things to do throughout the week(s), and as the due date draws closer, you don’t actually forget about the paper, but you may… gently push it to the back of your mind. Once it dredges itself forward again, however, you most often realize that the paper is, in fact, due tomorrow. This can present a problem, the magnitude of which depends on the number of pages and amount of research that the paper demands. Do not panic! You, too, can get through such a situation without significant limb loss.
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