Students speak out about what’s on their minds in 142 words, and you’re invited! If you have a random rant, email it to me at anderseb@grinnell.edu. After all, complaining in a public forum is always more fun than doing it alone.
Happy Anniversary Grinnell! Better yet, happy Valentine’s Day! Guess what you’re not as good as you think you are and you’re definitely not as good as you want people to believe you are. Why? Well, maybe it’s because you perpetrate a fraud by boasting of a diverse, dynamic and smart student body that’s committed to educational excellence and social change … yadayadayada. How about the fact that this week marks the 12 year anniversary of an anti-Semitic visual attack on Jewish students in Dibble Hall? What about the student protest of 1995, when students felt their real concerns about racism on campus were not being heard? Well, it sure looks like the men’s Basketball team is doing well for themselves and the school is getting good press from Newsweek because it’s the best “overall” small liberal arts college in the nation. Unfortunately, I don’t buy it and I hope none of my fellow critically thinking, talented and let’s not forget liberal peers buy into this ideology as well without examining the real situation on campus.
—Ned Levy ‘04
Okay, the helicopter, right? I return to Grinnell all fine and dandy, except for looking, sounding and walking like a drunken sailor. But I’m thinking positively and am all set to get back into the swing of things. Lots of naps and very little reading was my game plan. Then … déjà vu all over again, another seizure.
This time it wasn’t “grand” but it was pretty damn mal. I’m back at the Mayo, thinkin’, “How the hell did I get here?” Enter the helicopter ride. Though I was out of it, apparently the Mayo had me recalled to bring in the big guns, including Dr. No-Sense-of- Humor neurologist, to figure out if the meds weren’t right or if I am permanently psycho.
These are my tips in dealing with your own Dr. No-Sense-of-Humor neurologist:
1) Girls, shave your legs, if you are up to it, otherwise have your mom do it for you, (leave your pride at the door), so when asked how your legs feel you don’t reply, “furry.”
2) Memorize how to count backward from 100 by sevens (they’ve absolutely no sympathy for English majors who couldn’t do that on their best day.) See page 14 for answers.
3) Know the date. Dr. NSOH gets pissy if you reply, “Sometime during winter break.”
4) Don’t forget who the President is—once again, he doesn’t respond well to, “What’s his face, that idiot Republican.”
5) Don’t tell them that you go to Grinnell, show him all the needle tracks on your arms, AND tell him that you are having hallucinations, such as seeing mice on motorcycles and a moth flying out of your finger, because you get some freakin’ suspicious looks.
6) Don’t swear like a true Grinnellian when the nurse shoots really stingy stuff in your IV so he can test something or another.
So now I’m back at school and, once again, writing for the S&B, well, these two random rants anyway. The doctors tell me that all the synapses are reconnecting and I will soon be writing just as well como E=mc^2 pagoto qvagf tschungel %$#&*^%. . . .
—Eva Constantaras ‘06
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