Random Rants

 Paying for other campus’ mistakes

There’s nothing worse than the feeling that people less informed than you are dictating your actions. Such is my feeling on Saturday nights when I see a Grinnell police car drive past one of our off-campus gatherings. I notice the first years shrink, envisioning themselves behind bars and their parents finding out. Ready to join them in nearing the exit, the upperclassmen save me, and I’m reassured that it was just a coincidence by the fact that they didn’t even see the car, and in fact leapt from their lounging positions to refill their cups. Five minutes later, three more cars randomly appear and the flashing lights disband the party with threats of hand-cuffs and ID checks. As I leave to go to another party, I wonder, am I this much less responsible than students several years ago, or are we paying for other campus’ mistakes?

—            Brian Clites ’05 

Over enthusiasm kills floormates

To the enthusiastic percussionists of Loose 2nd: your enthusiasm is killing us. We can understand the appeal of, say, one or two hours of ceaseless banging on the drums. Golly, sometimes you even play a really tough rhythm and we’re all impressed. But once you extend your sessions past those first couple of hours (recall the night you commenced at seven and closed at midnight?), even your most tolerant listeners would rather have peanut butter packed in their ears than hear another clack from your cursed cowbell. So here’s to throwing in the towel on percussion, and some strong encouragement to try your hands at air guitar.

--Anonymous

Chivalry rotting across campus

I love Cledus*. Cledus proves that, no, chivalry is not dead. It is rotting disgustingly and fragrantly across the Grinnell Campus. Even if you don’t know Cledus specifically you will know the type. The type of guy who suggests masturbating themed study breaks and likes to brag about “fucking girls raw.” Yes, those fine up-standing male students who can only think about dry humping and boasts his BAC loudly and weekly. Now, I don’t mean to insult any of those sensitive males out there, or even those who don’t look at college as a boundless field of booze and pussy. But you need more men who like to finger drunken girls on Mac Field and then tell everyone about it. I know that when I came to Grinnell all I wanted to find was the perfect foul mouthed gentlemen who could talk to me for long periods of times about incredibly fascinating things: like his penis.

— Lola Garcia ‘06

*Name has been changed to protect the repulsive