Daisy Chain
On April 4, 1964, songs by the Beatles simultaneously held the first, second, third, fourth and fifth slots at the top of the U.S. singles charts, an all-time record. Meet the Beatles topped the album charts. Contemporaries estimated that 60 percent of all singles sold in the first three months of 1964 were Beatles records. These were the top songs, in descending order: “Can’t Buy Me Love,” “Twist and Shout,” “She Loves You,” “I Want to Hold Your Hand” and “Please Please Me.”
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In the spirit of springtime
As the excitement of incipient springtime begins to bubble within us, one question has entered everybody’s mind: will we always have spring, or will the future somehow alter our seasonal cycle? To this I can reply with confidence: have no fear, there will always be spring, and spring will never change. There will always be choruses of exuberant birds to hail the dawning of the sun (and then vomit into their new offspring’s mouths). There will always be ephemeral gusts of love, resulting in elaborate and awkward courtship rituals. There will always be an exaggerated, ridiculous disgust with pale skin and tan lines, hairy legs and winter flab—which will always lead to a select group of individuals somehow turning themselves orange. The seasonal cycle will change slightly, however, as there will be no more winters in the future except for apocalyptic/nuclear winters. Just as there will be no more wars except apocalyptic/nuclear wars, and no religions except apocalyptic/nuclear religions.
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Hey! You talking to me?
Okay, so I didn’t actually see the guy talking to the lamppost. I did hear all about it, though, from a man walking down 43rd Street on a Saturday night two weeks ago. In fact, I think I enjoyed the story a lot more than his wife, which was ironic considering he was telling it to her. This was the same night I received a religion lesson from a scraggly looking man who was looking rather out of place in front of an upscale restaurant. “God created the world in six days!” he shrieked at a restaurant employee, who was eyeing him distastefully. “Did you hear me? I created the world in six days!”
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A senior’s dying words
My time is coming soon. In a matter of weeks, I will leave this world for a different, Real one. I can already feel my strength leaving me. Looking back on my college experience, I can say that much more than regretting things that I’ve done, I regret not doing some things that I could have done. It is useless to dwell on the many missed opportunities, as it’s much too late for me to do them now, and impossible for me to turn back time pick a different path. But I can tell you about my faded dreams and missed chances, with the hope that you may pursue them yourselves.
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