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How to deal with distress

by Erin Sindewald '08

I've always been an avid reader of advice columns. Growing up, I found reading the questions sent into Abby, Ann Landers and even the mascot of Boy's Life magazine, Pedro the Burro, extremely entertaining:

"My sex life with my husband is nonexistent, and Hans, the Swedish guy from work, seems interested. Should I stay with my man, or sample the smorgasbord?"

"My boyfriend is addicted to porn. How do I get him to quit?"

"Dear Pedro, what is the easiest way to tie a bowstring knot?"

Then, entertainment aside, I would pour over these columns and try to find connections between the problems strangers shared and those of my own, in some fanatical attempt to pull an easy solution out of my hat of despair. I was constantly irked when taking columnists' advice never drastically improved my quality of life, albeit I learned more about knot tying.

After 10 years of reading such columns I've learned that very rarely can life-altering advice be dispensed in a brief paragraph. There are no quick fixes. No magic buttons or wands exist to instantly eradicate unpleasantness.

Which is rather unfortunate, because post spring break I find myself re-immersed in the grind, looking for my own solution for dealing with too many things to do.

I'll admit that my first instinct upon coming back to school to face the work I had neglected over break in order to watch the My Best Friend's Wedding marathon on TBS was to hide under my giant green coat with the hope that somehow, if I stayed hidden long enough, everything would be okay.

Luckily, it didn't take me long to realize that such a tactic would be rather unproductive. And for me to remember some of the coping methods I've used in the past would redirect my worries and disappointments into something more positive.

While Grinnell's mental health center is a fantastic resource, sometimes I don't have the time or volition to go. In such cases, I like to take my mental well-being into my own hands.

For me, the symbolic removal of aggravation from my life can be quite useful in turning a bad mood around.

The next time a negative mood takes you hostage, I suggest going outside and finding a pretty leaf. Use a ballpoint pen to mark on the leaf everything that is currently bothering you.

Write down the class that is less than inspiring, the grad school that chose not to accept you, the name of that certain boy or girl who seems to be having difficulty realizing how wonderfully amazing you are.

Fill up the leaf with all your worries, your concerns, your fears.

When the leaf is full, wait for a nice gust of wind to pass your way, and then rip up the leaf. I find it's helpful to flail your arms around and yell during the ripping. The emotional release is intensified greatly that way.

Watch the tiny pieces flutter away from you, taking your worries and negative energies along.

If it is a windless day, and the leaf pieces fall straight down and enshroud your toes (an action which symbolically suggests that your troubles will continue to weigh you down), consider locating a body of water. (I suggest Arbor Lake or the country club's artificial pond). Drop your leaf pieces in the water, and watch your troubles float away.

It's simple. It's free. And it feels oh so good.

A similar tactic I've used to reduce negative energy in my life is blowing bubbles. Unfortunately, a disturbing 86 percent of students have a college experience completely devoid of bubble blowing. Don't become a statistic.

Instead, if you're feeling upset, get your hands on some bubble solution and one of those little plastic wands.

Then put it all in a bubble and blow it away.

So-so grade on paper. Blow it away.

Moroccan Cous Cous in the dining hall. Blow it away.

Fear of the future. Blow it away.

Girl/Boy who still doesn't realize how wonderfully amazing you are. Blow it away.

Then, after you've had adequate bubble time, get back to living.

Because again, there is no miraculous or quick solution to all the difficulties and worries that plague us.

It is pretty blatant that leaf ripping and bubble blowing will not literally make all your problems disappear. And that after the leaves are torn up and bubbles blown, life will still have to be dealt with.

We can't make all the icky things go away.

But we can aim to reassess our attitudes so we are in a better state of mind to effectively deal with the icky things.

Leaves and bubbles help me. They might help you, too.

And if they don't, well, you could always ask Abby.

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