The first duke is always the most intense. Nature inevitably calls as you wander along a backwoods hiking trail. The urge is present, the need is immediate. You have to be careful to choose a blocking tree that is far enough off the trail to protect you from potential sightings, but not far enough off that you end up discovering the scary wildlife you had hoped to avoid. With a tree in sight and a sharp, sturdy stick in hand, you brave poison ivy, lizards, snakes and armadillos in order to pop that age-old squat.

Quoth T.S. Eliot, "April is the cruelest month." Unfortunately, Eliot was also a dirty liar, because if there were an accurate poem about April, it would be called, "April is totally the sweetest month. Suck on that, March." I know! I'm shocked by my unfailing optimism too!

Mention of the word "JudCo" often draws a vague response about clandestine tribunals for students accused violating college policy on campus. Far from a menace, JudCo is actually a bastion of self-governance. The trouble, in fact, usually starts when the administration bypasses JudCo.

A few weeks ago, I received an invitation to write an "S&B professor column." The possible topics ran through my head: Why every Grinnell student should take CS; the wonder of Grinnell's faculty governance (even more complicated than self-governance); comments on Wikipedia (including my vision of a future in which everyone will have his or her own Wikipedia entry, and the disambiguation page for "John Smith" will be huge); why I regularly refuse interviews from the S&B (although it's always fun to predict whether I will be (a) misquoted or (b) quoted out of context); even another rant about drinking on campus.