Energy and compassion
by Ben Weyl
Friends remember Thomas Alexander ‘05 as a funny and compassionate friend and leader. They remember someone who gave one hundred percent of himself to every challenge he faced and relationship he forged. His enthusiasm for life and friendship was evident in all that he did.
On the Saturday of Thanksgiving break, Alexander was in a car accident in Minnesota with his fiancé Aven Frey ‘05 and her family. Frey and her mother and brother were hospitalized. Alexander and Frey’s father were killed in the accident.
Master of the Sword
Alexander remained active with Dag throughout his Grinnell career. Dag
players benefited from his dynamic personality and his passion for cultivating
the organization. “Dag was one of the big things he really enjoyed,”
said Ana Nagel ‘05. “He enjoyed being [Dag] House Coordinator
last year and putting on the Renaissance Festival. … He would always
be the pirate at the Renaissance Festival and chase after small children.”
Alexander knew many of his friends through Daghorhir and shared his vivacity
with people on the field. “He had a fantastic sense of humor. He
was very playful,” said Nagel. “He liked to swear a lot. He
had a lot of really colorful swears. He loved Dag. He was really funny
on the field. He was just a great guy and a great sportsman and really
fun to hang out with.”
Alexander’s friends identified his development as a leader in Dag as one of the most remarkable and representative aspects of his life. As Alexander’s commitment to Dag grew, he became an official leader. He was dedicated to helping everyone in the group, a role that served not only as an outlet for his fighting skills, but also a way to contribute to the community and connect with others. “He was a Master of the Sword,” Nagel said. “He was one of our leaders and he really embraced that role… He really liked to teach people how to fight and he was really welcoming to new people.”
Kent Cubbage ‘06 also remembers Alexander’s thoughtfulness towards the newer members of Dag. “He was big on teaching,” said Cubbage. “[He thought] that we should pass down what we know because there are no coaches and people who join up are always left floundering for a little while, trying to figure out what they’re doing.”
An infectious personality
Other friends remember how his vibrant personality and confidence affected those off the field as well. His friends characterize his forwardness as disarming and inviting rather than intimidating. “When you first meet him, he has a very strong personality,” said Jacob Barrera ‘05. “He kind of freaks you out because he is unembarrassed about anything he does. ... He was a wonderful person to be around.”
Alexander’s outgoing nature often manifested itself in otherwise everyday, dull situations that Alexander infused with a little wackiness or humor. Karna Barquist ‘05 said that Alexander also had the ability to infect others with his enthusiasm and ideas. “Once while students were introducing themselves in class, Thomas decided to add to the introduction and said, ‘I’m a history major and I have cats.’ Then the entire rest of the class said things like, ‘I have cats… I don’t have cats, but I want cats… One person said they were a dog person…’” The ease with which Alexander interacted with others and helped break the ice made him approachable and dependable. “What I think that I will remember most about him is how he brought people together,” Barquist said. “I have so many more friends because of Thomas.”
Harmonic relationships
Alexander earned the respect of his fellow musicians because of his passion and dedication to music, just as he did the respect of his fellow fighters in Dag. He played alto saxophone in high school and each semester at Grinnell. According to Mark Dorr, director of the Grinnell College Symphonic Band, in which Alexander participated. “Thomas was an enthusiastic, fun-loving saxophone player. … He and I worked together in designing the programs for both the Percussion & Marimba Ensemble and Symphonic Band during the past two years. He was always dependable, very conscientious, and a student that I came to respect and trust very much.”
Dorr said the Symphonic Band dedicated its Dec. 5 concert to his memory and his beautiful musical contribution to the ensemble. Dorr said the band will also play one of his favorite Sousa marches on Commencement Weekend to honor him.
Friends say his commitments to Dag and music were equaled by his commitment to his personal relationships. Alexander’s friends knew he was dependable. “Thomas was a great man,” Barrera said. “He really tried to make you smile or laugh if you were depressed, and he always did what he could to help you out no matter the situation. He was willing to put anything and everything else aside to help you.”
Barrera remembers one example of Alexander’s selflessness in particular, an incident that gave him insight into the depths of Alexander’s empathy and commitment to his friends, especially in times of crisis. “When my parents were in a car accident, a head-on collision, and I went to talk to Thomas in his room, he had a 15-page paper to do, and … I tried to walk away, but he wouldn’t let me. He stopped writing his paper and shut the door and said, ‘Look, I’m not letting you leave. Talk to me.’”
Friends remember Alexander as not only providing emotional support but as helping out in more tangible, everyday ways as well. He acted as Ellie Kemple’s ‘06 own private eye: “Thomas was my head when I couldn’t find it,” said Kemple. “I don’t know what I’m going to do now that I don’t have anybody to find my stuff when I lose it. One time I left my wallet somewhere and I was leaving for spring break … and Thomas found me later [at the airport] and got me the wallet before I left. I was in the airport about to board the plane and then he [used] the line about my head falling off without him.
“Thomas was the most selfless person I’ve ever met,”
she said. “He’s really just one of the nicest people I’ve
ever met and I really, really wish that I had had more time to appreciate
that.”
Dorr was also a recipient of Alexander’s random, and often silly, acts of kindness: “After the birth of our first daughter two years ago, Thomas brought me a bottle of caffeinated pop and a Payday candy bar,” he said. “He gave them to me before Symphonic Band rehearsal, telling me that the pop would come in handy keeping me up all night with the baby those first few weeks, and the name of the candy bar to him said it all. I was so flattered at his thoughtfulness.”
One of Alexander’s most significant relationships was the one he had with Frey. “Thomas proposed to Aven on Field Day in May last year and he brought us all into the circle,” Nagel said. “We always get into a circle to have a big talk after we’ve had some battles and he [was] dressed up as a knight, and he proposed to her right there, and she said yes. They were very close to each other. They’d been together since a couple weeks into our freshman year.”
The two were inseparable, according to many of their friends, and time they were forced to spend apart deeply affected Alexander. “He was always with Aven,” Barquist said. “It was one word. It was ‘ThomasandAven’. The one time when I saw them separated a lot was the semester Aven was abroad, and Thomas was really not happy about that.”
Kemple agreed and explained how difficult it was for a person as social and loving as Alexander to fend for himself for a semester. “Thomas was so lonely,” Kempler said. “He was like a sick puppy. He never wanted to go home because then he would be alone in his enormous room, so he would always sleep on our floor.”
Alexander will always be remembered for the way he lived his life: to the fullest. One can only begin to understand the type of enthusiasm he had through these stories.
According to his friend John Abramowitz ‘05, “Thomas was one of those guys that you never heard a bad word about because there really wasn’t one to hear. He always believed in cracking jokes and having a good time. He always had lots of energy and passion for whatever he did. Whether it was taking that spear of his and charging into the field or playing the Princess Bride drinking game. When he did something he did it full-hog, no piece-meal. … “If [you want] a full list of character traits, well, that will take the whole night.”
